I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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