Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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