sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Randomize
