I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
nutella sex= disaster
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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