Pappa wants mamma naked
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
