craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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