Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
