Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
