i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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