chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
