my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
