Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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