If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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