I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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