Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
