i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
