Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
