First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
