don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
