Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you win again, gameday.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
