Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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