I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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