Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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