great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
