I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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