pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
