the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
