I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
