I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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