I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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