Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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