hotel room ftw
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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