"it" just moved
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
