why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
