Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
