Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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