The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
