Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
