He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
