Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
