she was so not down for the gang bang
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
