I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
