if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
