Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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