Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
