I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
