I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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