It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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