Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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