I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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